reasons to love and fear Foster
After supper the other day, Foster took me aside and said, “I need to get a job. How do I get a job?”
“Why do you need a job?” I asked.
“Because I need some money.”
“Why do you need money?”
“Because there’s a Lego man Charlotte really wants and I want to buy it for her.”
“Oh, I see.”
“And I need two dollars so I can go to that machine in the mall, the one where you use a claw to pick up a toy, and try to get the blue bear for Charlotte. She really, really wants that blue bear.”
“Well, we’ll see what we can do,” I said and thought, awwww, quit breaking my heart, kid. Isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard? How many ten-year-old boys do you know who spend their time daydreaming about what to buy their little sisters?
The next day, a Body Shop order arrived for me and included in the box were three little manicure sets – one for each kid. (They were marked down to $2 – go check it out if you need a manicure kit because there might be some left.) Inside each kit is a pair of nail scissors, nail clippers and a metal nail file.
Within a minute of receiving his, Foster held up the pieces one at a time to show me. “Look, Mom. The clippers are for snapping the lock on the gate, the scissors are for cutting the phone lines, and the file is for stabbing somebody! It’s The Ultimate Murder Kit!”
Sweet, loving, considerate, homicidal freak.
See this innocent little face?
If he asks for a two dollar loan, I’d just give it to him.