comments I’d like to leave on Facebook

1. You are older than eight so it’s time to learn how to use your and you’re correctly. Same goes for their, there and they’re. Please.
2. Thank you for posting this unsourced slab of text that claims COVID-19 can be diagnosed by whether or not you can hold your breath for 10 seconds and how if you can’t, you are obviously positive, but not to worry because it can be quickly and easily treated by gargling salt water for another 10 seconds. It’s so weird that the World Health Organization doesn’t promote these techniques.
3. LOVE your post about supporting small, local businesses. Did you know I have a small, local business and that you could help support it by following, liking or sharing my posts? That’s still a no from you, huh? Awesome, thanks so much.
4. Yes, I do love my daughter/son/husband/mother/father/dog, but no, I will not re-post that ugly graphic to tell everyone this. I’m going to go ahead and assume they already know.
5. Yes, I am already aware of cancer/depression/anxiety/arthritis/dementia, but no, I will not re-post that spelling error-ridden screed to show I think they are bad. I’m going to go ahead and assume we all think they’re bad.
6. No, I do not think that adorable little girl with Down syndrome or baby covered in breathing tubes or child amputee is ugly. But I also don’t need to share their photos to assure people of this. I’m going to go ahead and assume people know I’m not a monster.
7. I’m so glad for you that you enjoy all those endless questionnaires about your favourite class in high school and childhood nickname and the town where you grew up and so on. But you can just do those in your head, you know. Even if you aren’t contributing to data harvesting, they convey a certain…what’s the word…self-obsession?
8. I couldn’t agree more with all the ‘Stay Home and Save Lives’ banners and images you’ve been sharing. What’s funny, though, is that every single person I’ve seen posting these is someone who has just come back from a trip. Guess what? I was staying home. You were the one out there disregarding all the warnings.
9. Sorry, but I don’t care what colour your aura is or which Harry Potter character you are or what your job was in a past life. Nobody cares. Please stop clogging our timelines with this crap.
10. Just a heads-up: At the end of a sentence, all you need is a period. Like that one, right there behind me. Ooh, there’s another one. Adding a dash of punctuation here and there makes your unhinged rant more readable, but you don’t need 15 periods between each thought, which makes your already lengthy diatribe even lengthier. Just one period and one space after it. Go on and give it a try.

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